How to Get Rid of Your Boyfriend Without Hurting His Feelings

Sure, you're still in a relationship because his feelings are fragile and you want him to know that you don't want to hurt his feelings. After all, he's been really good to you and perhaps for a time, the sex was great. But somehow.. it all went ..pffft... except that he doesn't know it. Also, you can't tell him. You can't just blurt out : "I don't love you anymore!" -- that would be unmerciful... inhumane.. he could take you to the UN and say that you've violated his human rights...

Try these instead:

1. If you have a religious boyfriend try looking at his eyes and say that there are times you feel that religion is the cause of all the wars in the world. Go gory... tell him about the torture chambers during the Inquisition or the latest terror attacks.

2. If your boyfriend is not religious, confide in him. Tell him that you are hearing voices of angels and that these voices are telling you his deepest darkest secret. Oblige him to go to Church (or the mosque or synagogue) and have more religious items around the bedroom (or wherever you have sex).

3. Tell your boyfriend that you are broke, and that you want to borrow his mastercard or visa so that you can LIVE. If he argues, tell him it's a matter of SURVIVAL... doesn't he understand that If he lends you his credit card (and that does happen believe me) tell him that you want to go shopping NOW because you're depressed that you're broke.

4. Confession is a great way of getting rid of your lover. Of course, you don't have to confess the TRUTH.Make up "secrets" you want to share with you like : your really feel that you've been abducted by aliens (and they seem to look like him); tell them that you're adopted and your real parents both died at death row.

5. Discuss nothing but history with him even while you're making out. Tell him that you think that Napoleon the Great must have been a lousy lover because Josephine wasn't entirely faithful to him. Then add that you like the Empress Josephine.

6. Feign amnesia. Ask him what your name is.

7. Tell him you like to have babies as soon as possible -- possibly triplets. Ask him to accompany you to a doctor who can make sure that you two can have triplets right away. Better yet, ask him to shop for feeding bottles so that you can practice "motherhood" .

8. Make "mistakes". If his name is Steve, call him Alan. Do this several times. If he finally asks you who th eheck is Alan, tell him you don't know. You just think that he's more of an "Alan" rather than a "Steve".

9. Try and act the idiot. Call him every 5 minutes. Tell you you can't cross the street. You also can't figure out what you're doing at the store -- can he give you an idea of the grocery list? Call again, ask him the way to drive home, say you forgot. Make sure to do this while he's at work.

10. Tell him that you had your first plastic surgery job when you were a new born baby. That you were born with strange numbers on your head and your mother asked the doctor for a plastic surgeon to erase those numbers right away... add that the plastic surgeon was too scared to even get near you he had o have Prozac to do his job well.

If after all that he stil says he loves you, RETHINK... RETHINK.. RETHINK...why would you want to get rid of him? ARE YOU REALLY INSANE????